Why I Hate Being a College Kid

Death. Something that no one should have to get used to. Unfortunately my fellow mountaineers and I have. Nine deaths and the year is not over. The first death was the one that shocked me the most. I had been in school for less than a month, if even that long, when I heard that a girl had gone missing from the dorm right behind mine. You heard the whispers of her name, the contradicting accounts of why she wanted to kill herself, and the professors view on it all for weeks. I remember where I was when I found out that she had died. I remember the tears rolling down my face and I can even recount saying that I did not want to go back to school.

Anna’s death hit me hard. I didn’t know things like this happened in college. I thought college was supposed to be “the best four years of your life.” How can one enjoy college when death becomes such a normal event on your campus? People knew Anna. She was someone's daughter. She was someone’s roommate. She had a lot of friends who loved her and cared deeply for her. Though they had only known her for a month, their relationships were real and the loss of her cut deep. I never thought this was going to happen my first year of college, let alone my first month. I never thought suicides were so prevalent in college, but maybe that was ignorance on my part.

There was one suicide that happened in my own dorm. I remember the tense emotion and the grief we all experienced in Lovill Hall. My friends and I didn’t know him, but chances are we shared an elevator ride or two. Maybe a “Hi. How are you doing?” could have changed his whole day. We just didn’t know him. Sometimes that hurts worse. Who would have guessed that a guy who lived two floors below you would choose that for himself? 

Appalachian is not the only school experiencing pain. Florida State and USC both suffered from a shooting. Auburn grieved over a bomb threat. Clemson experienced a fraternity hazing, which resulted in death. Why are colleges being attacked? I am sure there have been more traumatic events other than the ones I listed. We choose college for a better education so that we can help people through our jobs. No one was expecting to go through this troubling period that sends us through a whirlwind of emotions. It's times like this where I recognize how much I need Jesus. How much this WORLD needs Jesus. 

So what’s my point of this jumbled account? My point is that I hate being a college kid. I don't hate the friendships, and I don't hate the time I have spent here. I hate the fear that creeps up in my mind every once in awhile when I am studying in the library and I think "What if a shooter walks through that door? Where will I hide?" This stuff hits deep. What sets us apart as college students is the fact that we are all separated from the past 18 years of our lives, while living in a close proximity to tens of thousands of other students. We are all experiencing this new life together, but in our own unique way. These tragedies do not become reality until you live them. We are LIVING through all this pain and suffering that is happening all around us. We are not watching it on TV anymore and thanking God that it is not us. It is us. 

The only thing keeping me sane is my faith in Christ. I know that through all of this pain, God will reveal his glory. Romans 8:18 tells us “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” God has a plan for each and every college campus in the world. And as much as I hate being a college kid during this present time, I know that God has a plan for me at App. I know that depression is a very real thing that many people struggle with. There are so many resources on any college campus' that are willing to help you! Your friends want to help you! If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts of any kind, seek help! That's not a weakness to seek help. In fact, I would even say it demonstrates STRENGTH. You were FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY  made by a creator who loves you so much. He made you for a reason! He sent His son to die on the cross so that you could live a free life. Rejoice in His majesty and in the free gift that he has given each and every one of us.