What People Don't Tell You About Being Engaged

What is it about the culture that we live in that wants to promote the idea of perfection and happiness all the time? Why do we feel the need to use social media as the platform to express the things going well in our lives? Trust me, I fall prey to this all the time. Look at my instagram account, it's the more beautiful looking, witty side of me. I have fallen into the trap of outwardly showing the good things I have going for me, and right now that's going to change.

When you become engaged to an amazing guy like I have, people flood you with questions and statements like, "I bet you are so excited!," "When's the date?," "When do you want kids?" (I am 20 and have no job let's calm down people). Don't get me wrong, I AM EXCITED FOR MARRIAGE. But I am also terrified. Society has taught me that getting married before I am 30 means that I am weak. Because of my love for Jesus, I know that it is not true. However, the hardest days in my engagement opens up the door for doubt and fear. 

TV shows and movies lie. I thought that when Carter and I got engaged, it would be the happiest time. It's been the hardest. Carter and I have argued more in these 6 months of engagement then we did in the 10 months of dating. I contribute that to my desires to satisfy my sin rather than to seek Jesus. Satan comes to destroy every good thing that the Lord blesses us with. I find my spirit becoming more and more critical of Carter, and consequently that leaves me with a bad attitude. In my attempts at vulnerability here, I do want everyone to know how amazing Carter is. He is the most selfless, servant-hearted, kind, and humble man I know. I could not have picked a better man for myself if I wanted to. He smooths out my edges, and pushes me to be greater. His love and dedication to Jesus push me to want that too.

With such an amazing man as this, why do I go through periods of criticalness and unhappiness? Honestly I am still trying to figure it out, but I do know that when I focus on the ways Carter fails instead of his strengths, I sit in my criticalness. I allow Satan to feed my unhappiness and my fears. Carter will verify that most of our fights start from the fact that I point out his flaws all too often. It's not his flaws that start fights, but my unwillingness to let silly things go (like how we load the dishwasher). I have to keep reminding myself that marriage isn't about me changing Carter into the male version of me. Marriage is about sanctifying ourselves daily in order to pursue the Lord's will for our lives. Y'all... I am scared to live with one person for the rest of my life. That means I have to humble myself every day. Every single dang day. That's a lot of days. But it's the life that I am called to and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Dating is hard. Engagement is hard. Marriage is hard (just from what I have heard on the streets). Just because it's hard doesn't mean that it isn't good or that it isn't worth it. Having a man who pursues the same desire to live for Jesus that I do makes this process so much easier. My hope for anyone reading this, single, engaged, or married, is that if you are feeling this challenge, you are not alone. The Lord promises hardships. Guarantees it. But He gives us so much greater hope. He came and humbled Himself perfectly, so that we can have a complete and full life in Him. My prayer should be inward, not outward. My criticalness ends with my daily surrender to Jesus.

Y'all. Don't fall into this lie that "engagement is going to be the happiest time of your life." I hope that's not true because marriage is a much much longer time then engagement. For the Brides that breezed through engagement with no problems at all, that's amazing and I am so happy for you. For the Brides that are like "whoa what the heck am I doing," I feel you and I am with you. I have learned so much more about Carter through engagement and sometimes that has been scary. At one point Carter told me that he wasn't crazy about Chipotle and I really felt blindsided (silly example but true and I still have a hard time trusting him ;)).

People don't tell you that engagement may be hard. Friends, if you are in this time of your life, I want you to know that if you are facing some difficulty, it's OKAY (wondering if it's really okay? Let's talk about it)! And when you are walking down that aisle looking at the man that Jesus allows you to love forever, it's going to be so worth it. So now I am going to leave you with this nugget of truth and hope. Romans 12:12 says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." I am oh so excited to get to marry the man of my dreams! I celebrate it! But because I believe so much in living a life of authenticity, that means sharing my hardships sometimes when I don't want to. This verse reminds me daily about the joy that comes with a life complete in Jesus. Friends, if you are walking through a hardship that is embarrassing to talk about or don't know where to turn, I'm here for you! Jesus is here for you! Let's do life together friends. Genuine, authentic, messy life.

A Mess of Thoughts...

I can't believe that I was in Haiti a little over a month ago. Sitting here writing a blog about my experience seems a little surreal. It feels like it has been forever since my feet were in the Haitian dirt. My heart hurts a little bit just thinking about how I am not there. The frigid weather in Boone reminds me to appreciate the scorching hot heat in Haiti.

I find it hard to allow my mind to wander back to October in Haiti as it is too painful. When I came home, I was so certain that the Lord was guiding me to spend a longer amount of time in Haiti. The internship that Mission of Hope offers seemed like a dream at the time, but now I am unsure. Maybe the "Haiti High" has disappeared and I have fallen back into the comfort of my life here. My most recent trip evoked feelings I didn't know I had. I had such a peace and an "okayness" (word I made up) while I was there. I was scared because I didn't feel as broken as I had before. Everyday I questioned myself because my mind was unable to see just how broken Haiti is. I still don't know why I had so much peace while I was there. I was expecting my heart to be shattered at every moment and every encounter. However, I felt like I belonged there. Instead of questioning "why am I here?" I just knew I was supposed to be.

Leading up to my trip, I did a little heart seeking in order to figure out my purpose for going. I was reminded by someone very wise that my purpose in going was to serve God and the people there. How silly it was for me to let that slip my mind. Instead of going with the attitude of, "what is Haiti going to do for me?," I needed to be reminded that I wasn't going for my benefit at all. I really do have to trust in the Lord and His goodness and sovereignty because I may never see the seeds that were planted while I was there grow. The work we did seemed so minuscule and it didn't appear as if it bore fruit, but I know the Lord better than that. I know hearts were changed (even if it was just my own) and I know that people saw the Lord more clearly. It was hard walking away from a trip thinking that I could've done so much more.

I left feeling refreshed because I was at peace in the place I hold so dearly to my heart, but I also left feeling unsatisfied. I left feeling that I didn't do enough. That I could've presented the Gospel better. That I could've encouraged more. That I could've repented more. Let me tell you, PRAISE THE LORD FOR ME BEING INSUFFICIENT. Sometimes the Lord quietly humbles you so that you can be reminded of how much you really need him. I personally struggle with pride and allowing myself to become humbled is hard. I act and appear as if I have it all together and that I have all the answers, so much so that I often forget that inside I am a mess. I find it hard sharing my weaknesses because to me it's better to pretend that I don't have them (not a good way to think about it at all). The hardest part about this trip to me was realizing that I could do and say all the "right" things, but without fully relying on the sufficiency of Christ, it's never going to be good enough.

I am a failure when it comes to relying on the Lord's strength, guidance, and wisdom. In some ways we all fail at this. I often times find myself so confident in my own abilities that I forget what it means to be desperately relying on the Lord. I classify myself as an independent person and I don't like to rely on people, I want them to rely on me. As much as I want to have all the right answers, I don't have them. The sooner I learn to bring every little trial (whether big or small) to the Lord, the sooner I will be humbled. If I continue to constantly rely on my own strength, when am I going to learn to rely on God? If I learned anything in these past few months, it's this: being dependent doesn't make you weak. We were meant to be relational and to carry each others burdens. This becomes dangerous when we seek satisfaction in another person instead of God. However, He does surround us with wise people to help us in times of need. But with that being said, we have to first and foremost place our trust in Him (I am preaching to myself here). Friends, if we don't learn how to be dependent on the Lord, how are we supposed to be humble? There is so much more comfort in knowing that the Lord has our best interest in mind. Even if we can't see it at the time, God is good and he will ALWAYS be good. Humans are going to let us down, fail to meet our expectations, and even hurt us. But God is the ultimate example and he will NEVER fail us.

If anything, this jumbled blog is just a mess of thoughts that I am trying to think through during this season of life. My take away message to myself and to you is to "humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up" James 4:10. Being completely dependent doesn't make you weak, but uncovers just how broken you are and how much you NEED Jesus. I need Him, you need Him, we all need Him. We all know this in the depths of our core, but how often are we willing to admit it?

Surrendering Emotions

I am so thankful that we have a God that loves us so much that he gave us free will. He could have made us robots that just worshiped him 24/7, but instead God gave us emotions so that we can freely love him. Without the ability to feel, we wouldn't be able to fully appreciate the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross. We wouldn't be able to truly love or even contemplate what a selfless love feels like.

Each day brings different emotions. Whether it be anxiety before a test, joy because you get to go to your favorite place in the whole world, or fear that comes with hard conversations, we have the ability to feel it all. And we feel it all deeply. God gave us this beautiful and wonderful gift of emotion, but sometimes we can take it for granted. We have the opportunity to be worried, but God doesn't want us to distrust him with that emotion. God gave us emotions as a test of faith. Though we have the freedom to feel, what we choose to do with that emotion portrays our character.

In situations of anger, you are usually (not always) presented with two choices: 1) Take that anger out on someone else, or 2) take it to the Lord. If I take my anger and frustrations to the Lord and say, "Hey Jesus help me control my anger so that I can be a good representative of you" I would be surrendering my emotion to the Lord and trusting that he will correct me. Whenever we get really anxious or worried, God calls us to trust in him. If you think about it, anxiety stems from uncertainty and from fear that things won't turn out our way. That's distrusting God's beautiful and perfect plans for our lives. Trust me... it is hard to give up control. I still haven't mastered that skill yet. But what we have to realize is that things aren't always going to go our way. The sooner we can release control to the author and perfecter of our lives, the sooner we can experience peace beyond our understanding.

Another cool thing about surrendering our emotions is that it allows us to have quiet and intentional time with the Lord. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." By coming before the Lord with our hands open saying "Lord, please align my thoughts and desires with yours" we are acknowledging that we are not in control and that our plan is not the best plan.

Friends, don't be afraid to surrender and humble yourself. By letting God have control over our emotions, we allow ourselves to be free. Just like Philippians 4:6-7 says, we will have peace. God is so good. He gave us freewill and the ability to feel deeply. He wants us to feel deeply. Emotions are not a bad thing! Just remember to take those feelings to the Lord and give him ultimate control. Be free.

God Over Fears

45. That's how many days until I embark on my 4th mission trip to Haiti. Yes... This is my third blog about Haiti. There will probably be many more too. After my last trip to Haiti, the Lord really opened my eyes to what it means to be a true follower. He taught me how to trust him with things I didn't think I could surrender. He taught me how all I had to do was whisper his name and he would move mountains.

45 days until the Haitian dirt is between my toes. 45 days until I get to tell little children that I like to eat them (all in good fun of course). 45 days until I am back with my friends laughing and singing songs about Jesus. I... cannot...wait. This is the most excited I have ever been for a trip and I am glad I have people on my team to share it with. My last trip in June was one that months leading up to I wasn't excited at all. I really felt that I needed to go to Haiti but there was a part of me that didn't want to. I didn't want to sacrifice time out of my already hectic summer. As the day approached for me to leave, I was becoming increasingly excited but still felt like I wanted to stay at home in my sweatpants and sleep for days. I knew that I was going to be uncomfortable. Since it was my third trip, I wasn't surprised by the lack of comfort I was going to have. I didn't want to go because I KNEW I was going to be uncomfortable and I was being too "prissy," if you will, to surrender that.

This 4th trip brings up totally different feelings because of the result of the previous one. At the end of my third trip I simply didn't want to come home. I was angry that I had to leave the place I loved so much. The moment I stepped on the U.S.A. territory, I plugged in my Lecrae (what I do when I get mad) and walked around the Miami airport alone. I needed time to process this incredible week that I just experienced but I couldn't. I didn't want to talk about Haiti with anyone except for those who were there with me. There were no words, and there still aren't, to describe the love, peace, joy, laughter, anger, and brokenness that you can only experience in Haiti.

Because of my trip in June, I am more excited than ever to go back in 45 days. However, Satan has been feeding me some pretty nasty lies. Telling me I am not good enough. I am not mature enough. I am not capable of what I am about to do. Friends, on October 10, I will be experiencing another side to Haiti that I have never seen before. I will be seeing girls in brothels who don't have a choice. Girls that want better for themselves and their family but have no way out. A hopelessness.  My heart is already broken for these women I am going to meet. As scared as I am to see that hurt and shame, I know that the Lord has prepared me for this moment. God has created me with the desire to share the depths of his love. I am not afraid because I think I am alone in this. I am afraid because I think I will mess up.

Thinking about it, it's such a silly thought. If God knows what's going to happen, can I really "mess up?" We have free-will and we make mistakes, but I fully believe that everything happens for a reason. Everything we do, whether positive or negative, impacts us. If we lived perfect lives we wouldn't grow as human beings. We would be the same and unchanging (characteristics of God not humans). I know that the Lord has me going on this trip for a reason. Yeah, Satan is feeding me lies. But I know they are lies. It's a matter of whether or not I choose to believe them. I can find comfort in knowing that there is a plan mapped out for me. I am excited to experience God in ways that I only can in Haiti. I am excited for the relationships that I will form. I am also excited to be surrounded by a powerhouse of women to help guide me through.

Is Satan feeding you lies? Are you being told that you aren't capable? You aren't good enough? You can't really believe in God because you keep sinning in one area? Those are all LIES. We can be sufficient in Christ because we are fully known and fully loved. God knows our weaknesses. He allows us to have them so that we can rely on him for strength. Don't run away because of the fears that consume your every thought. Pursue the God that is bigger than all of your fears.

Obedient to His Purpose

Hi friends,

I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. Obedience. Let me tell you... It's hard! It's difficult to be obedient to anyone! If you're stubborn like me, there is really no incentive that can make you follow someone else's orders. I want to do it MY way. I don't care if your directions are going to get me there faster. I will take the long way...through the forest...through the ocean... and back around again before I listen to YOUR plan. That's how stubborn I am.

However, God calls us to be obedient. Not just obedient, but faithful in His plan. He promises us that he will NEVER forsake us. For example, let's look at Matthew 14 when Jesus walks on water. Peter asks Jesus to call him out of the boat and Jesus simply says "come." Peter leaps out of the boat, but as soon as he turns his eyes away, he starts sinking. Jesus says, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Not only did Jesus command Peter to walk on the water, but he asked Peter to have faith in him. What's the point of being obedient if you don't have faith in God's plan?

Over the past few weeks, God has led me to do some pretty hard things. Through these hard things, I have had a peace like I have never known before because I have faith that God's plan is better than my own. I came across a journal I wrote on October 7th, 2014 that said, "The thought keeps coming to my mind 'when are you going to stop running from me?' Lord, I am going to stop running. Show me your wisdom. I desire to know your plan for me. I am done running." Although I may not have completed what was asked of me in the moment, I took time to listen to a hard decision the Lord was placing on my heart.

When struggling with obedience, I often times try and tell myself that the hard things are really Satan's way of attacking me and not actually God's plan. The second I start to experience fear, doubt, or uncertainty, I tell myself that it was never God's plan in the first place. However, what I am just now realizing is that it could be God's plan but I am too stubborn and scared to recognize it. I don't want to do hard things. But unfortunately, it's not up to me. And let me tell you... I am SO glad it's not. Even though I have to constantly push myself out of my comfort zone, I can find peace and rest in knowing that I have a sovereign God that LOVES me so much he wills the good for me. He wants me to live a life in complete trust and belief that His plan is superior to my own. I may never see the good in the hard things, but I know that there is always a reason and purpose.

Friends, if you are struggling with surrendering a certain part of your life to God, pray about it. It may take days, months, years, but continue to pray without ceasing. Living in obedience gives you freedom in new ways. Be thankful that there is a Holy God that already knows your whole life and even has it mapped out for you. He doesn't want you to fail. If you trust in him, he will make your paths straight. That doesn't mean you won't experience pain or suffering. Living in full faith and full obedience will open up the doors to a complete trust in the Lord that you have never experienced before. Don't just tip toe into trusting God. Jump in the deep end. Don't know how to swim? Luckily there is a God who is the ultimate saver.

Haiti Round 3

*Note: Friends, there are no words to express my week in Haiti and it would simply take many hours to fully do it justice. Here is my attempt to express the emotions I felt throughout the week, as well as give you insight on what we did.

Have you ever been to a place so many times that you become familiar with the sights, sounds, and smells? You are so accustomed to this place that you expect what you are about to experience. Imagine going to grandma's house. She has lived there for many years and you know that every time you go, you are going to get the same treatment, have the same food, stay in the same room, and play the same card games over and over. This is how I feel about Haiti. I know where I am staying, the food I will be eating, and I don't expect to be surprised by anything I am going to see. At least this is what I thought. This week proved to be very different than any of my past trips. 

From the very beginning, months before we even left, Satan was planning his attack. It was evident in each of my team members lives. Satan knew that God was going to do something so amazing this week, and he wanted to stop it at all costs. Team members literally had to fight just to make it to the airport. Walmart runs the night before in order to get a suitcase because theirs had been taken. Being locked in their own neighborhood because of a power outage. Being delayed a total of 3 hours on two flights. That's Satan's work. That is spiritual warfare. 

We arrived in Port-A-Prince two hours behind schedule and luckily the airport was a breeze. We all expected the worst, but it ended up in our favor that we were able to get to the bus without an issue. As we were on our 45 minute drive to campus, I was sitting there admiring the beauty of God's creation. Haiti is truly a breath-taking place. Watching the sun go down on the mountain is one of my favorite views. We made a quick stop to grab Toro (the best energy drink ever) and we were on our way. I thought to myself "God is here. He loves Haiti and he cares so much for the people." I had an overwhelming sense of peace and happiness knowing that God was here with us. Less than 5 minutes later, that happiness was shattered by an awful accident on the side of the road. The strange thing was that there were no cars evidently involved. Our bus soared pass a lady laying on the side of the road, with blood retreating from her mouth, an obvious sign of internal bleeding or head injury. Cars continue to pass, and all I could think of is "who is going to tell her family." While the cause of this death is uncertain, I do know one thing for certain: This was planned in God's perfect timing, but also Satan used this opportunity against those of us who saw. Never before have I ever seen a recent death. I have seen family and friends in caskets, but never have I seen a death so recent that there was no cleaning up.

We continue traveling to the campus, and all of a sudden we pass it. We sit there for 10 minutes in silence before someone asks "Where are we going?" To our surprise, we were staying at the Bercy campus. If you have been to Haiti, you know the immediate differences between the Titanyen campus and the Bercy campus. On my first trip, Bercy wasn't a fully functioning campus yet. Bercy is missing a roof top to eno on, Madame Cheap Cheaps, the orphanage kids to play with on the basketball court, and of course the convenience of being 5 minutes away from Minoterie. As we passed Titanyen, I watched as some team members cried because they knew the obvious loss. I personally was excited for the new adventure, and also the cool breeze that comes with Bercy. Bercy is right by the ocean and there is about a 10 degree difference at night (which is really nice). 

Looking back on it, I know that our time would have been different if we would have stayed at Titanyen. I don't believe our team would have bonded in the same way. We found a pretty amazing place to hang our enos and that is where we spent most of our time. Although I missed the familiarity and convenience of Titanyen, I am grateful for our week in Bercy. 

The curveballs we experienced this week were pretty frequent. Here are a few:

• We showed up for village ministry and were taken to a construction site. We obviously had to decline this request because of our lack of appropriate attire (9 girls wearing skirts probably wouldn't have been the best decision). 
• Our intern got sick and couldn't attend the last few days
• I got what they call the "Haitian Sensation" and couldn't attend one of our days of ministry
• There were shootings in Minoterie when we were there (so close that we could hear the gunshots)
• During a ceremony dedicating the well Forest Hill sponsored, the people in charge called and said they wouldn't be able to make it (after they were already 45 minutes late). 

These aren't even all of them. Although we experienced a lot of surprises, we know that "In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." The tests we endured this week only brought us closer to God. Satan FAILED. 

Our hearts shattered on Tuesday. This was by far the hardest day for our team. We left around 8am to do village ministry. Basically, we are lead by translators and village champions (leaders in the community) to houses that have the most need. The group split into two, with 5 going one way and 8 going the other. In my group, our first house was a 17 year old and her boyfriend. They had the cutest 5 month old baby boy. She was unable to attend school because she couldn't leave her baby, but she also didn't have the money to go to school. I tried to put myself in her shoes and imagine having a baby at 17, no parents to support me, and no money to attend school. I know that things like that happen all the time in other countries, including America, but seeing the desperation in her eyes ripped through my heart. She loved Jesus and was seeking his provision. We prayed over her and continued on our way. 

Our translator took us to a house that was near to his heart. My team walked in and immediately the Haitian's got up so that we could sit in chairs. We sat along the edge of the room, with a lady dressed nicely sitting in the middle. The translator begins to explain that it was a "special day." I was thinking to myself "This is awesome. We are here to celebrate something wonderful." I couldn't have been more wrong. It turns out that the lady in the middle lost her daughter just the day before. The girl told her mom that she had a feeling she was going to die soon and made her friends go to the ocean with her, where she passed away. This girl was one year away from completing school, and happened to be best friends with our translator. The expression of grief on the faces of those in the room is indescribable. One of the staff members prayed over the lady, and as soon as she finished, our eyes were opened to a new part of Haitian culture. A family friend came running into the house screaming to the top of her lungs and threw herself on the ground next to the woman. They begin to wail together very loudly. We were ushered out of the house and I immediately looked at the expressions on my team members faces. Sitting in unbelief of what we just saw, we huddled up and prayed outside of the home. I will never forget the images of grief implanted in my mind. 

This was my teams last stop for the day. The other team visited two other houses and encountered demon possessed people, as well as a lady who needed serious help. Jacqueline is an older lady with what appeared to be a broken hip. She had no family in Minoterie and couldn't move from the waist down. If she ate, it was because of the grace of her neighbors. With no money or transportation to a hospital, it appeared as if Jacqueline was in a hopeless state. Thankfully, the next day, the village champion was able to take her to the hospital and in 4 months she will be able to receive surgery. Knowing that she was going to get help was a highlight for our team after an emotional day. 

After Tuesday, our week got slightly easier in terms of emotional stress. We saw hard things, but nothing like Tuesday. On Wednesday, I was plagued by the Haitian Sensation and had to sit out for the morning. Let me tell you, if you have never gotten the sensation, don't ask for it. IT IS NOT FUN. To my surprise and even my attempts to refuse her offer, Bekah stayed with me and we read books and enoed while I waited for my stomach to settle. We were able to go out around lunch time and enjoy an authentic Haitian meal. I was really praying that I would feel well enough for this because it's my favorite meal of the trip (and the Lord answered that prayer). As we were waiting to go into the restaurant, there were these boys that were about 12 years old that called me over. At first they were just joking around with me saying things like "Do you love me?" "Do you want to marry me?", and then one boy turned serious and said "My sister died two days ago." I knew that he was related to the same family we had met the day before, and again I was reminded of the images of grief. I walked away feeling despair for that family. 

With all the pain and suffering we saw and experienced, my team and I did have a lot of great memories. My favorite memory on this trip was probably beach day. It's always nice to get to go and relax after a hard week. We went to my favorite resort (I have only been to two) Moulin Sur Mer, which has a wonderful place to set up enos. My friends decided to be a little adventurous, and hung up their enos under the bridge. At one point, there were four enos hanging above the water. It was nice to be able to laugh, relax, and soak in the beauty of Haiti with this team. 

We had a lot of fun together and we will carry many memories. Some of the ones that stick out to me are:

• Singing "Boom Chicka Boom" on the canter with our translator
• Dancing to Lecrae with the Haitians
• Sitting on top of Gabe's roof and chilling
• Enoing at the conference center
• Playing football and soccer on our last night
• Telling kids that "I eat children" and watching them run away

There are so many things I can list, but that would take forever! I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to go on this trip. I am looking forward to my next trip in 90 days! Knowing that I am going back so soon helps me keep my eyes focused on the upcoming trip instead of feeling sad that I am not still in Haiti. Thank you to everyone who prayed over my team this week. We needed y'all big time. 

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

In a recent conversation with Ryan, he asked me what my main struggle was. Although there are a lot of options to choose from, the one that came to my head first is comparison. I have never really given this issue much thought and usually pushed it away from my mind until I heard a sermon by Matt Chandler. He talked about how women usually struggle with two things: Comparison and Perfectionism.

My comparison is fueled by one thing. It's the thing I am most addicted to. I tell myself that I can never live without it. That thing? Social Media. As I have given more thought about how I wanted to write this post, I wanted to clearly outline the ways that people, girls especially, fall prey to social media and how it inhibits our thinking in a very negative way.

I want to point out Instagram in particular. There is a very complex process that most of us go through when deciding whether or not to post a picture. Here are the steps:

1) When was the last time I posted a picture? Is it okay to post another one?
2) I have to wait until "prime time" to post it or I won't get as many likes.
3) Do I look good? Everyone else in the picture may look horrible, but as long as I look okay then I can post it.
4) Is this picture good enough or do I need to add a filter? Should I add a teeth whitening effect? What about fixing some fly away hairs? Or even better! Let me add 3 filters on top of one another so it really brings out my eyes.
5) Time to pick the perfect caption. Something clever but not TOO cheesy. Should I go for the heartfelt or a joke? What about a song lyric? Hmmmm... Maybe I will look up quotes on "friendship" or "love" and see if I find something good.
6) To add a location or not? That is the question....
7) Last but not least, ask at least 5 friends whether or not they approve so I know that at least someone likes it.

Does anyone see a problem with this method? The only way I was able to detail this method fully is because I DO IT TOO! I know that I am not the only one who thinks about these things when posting a picture. Why do we do it? Somewhere in the back of our minds, we are seeking for approval. We desire the likes because somehow in our mind it makes us popular. It makes us worth something. It makes us cool. But you know what? These temporary likes aren't what determines our worth. We automatically get disheveled when we don't get as many likes as we usually do. "Why wasn't this picture as popular?" "Was I not funny enough?" "Am I not pretty enough?" These are ALL thoughts that can pop into our minds when we subject ourselves to Instagram especially. We become so consumed with the approval of others that we forget to stop and consider that others approval does not really matter.

Maybe we don't post pictures often. Maybe we just like to scroll through our newsfeed and look at our friends pictures. I personally struggle with comparing my life to the pictures of my friends lives. Of course they aren't going to post a picture with no makeup and zit cream! It's silly to compare yourselves to your friends on Instagram when all you are seeing is well thought out perfection. Your friends might look like they are having the time of their lives with all the new friends they met, but where are the pictures of them fighting over a boy? The friendship that your friends have with their new friends, shouldn't be compared with the friends you are trying to make.

NOT EVERYTHING IS AS PERFECT AS IT SEEMS

I cannot think of a more true statement. Relationships aren't perfect. Friendships aren't perfect. LIVES aren't perfect. Instead of thinking "I wish I had their life," work on your own! If you truly stop comparing yourself to others and start looking at what God sees in YOU, it will help you develop a confidence in knowing that you were fearfully and wonderfully made.

God gave us all different gifts and talents so that we may glorify Him with everything we do. Our lives and journeys shouldn't be compared to those around us. No one has the "perfect life." So as a way to help me stop comparing myself to others, I am going to take a social media hiatus. That means for 1 week, I will delete Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, and Twitter off my phone. The amount of time I spend on social media a day is probably equivalent to an hour and half that I could spend doing something more productive. If anyone feels like they are struggling with the same thing, I urge you to join me in this challenge! I would love to have accountability partners through this one week. I will be starting on Wednesday, and ending on the following Wednesday. Email me at brisasander@gmail.com if you would like to join me or if you have any questions or comments. As always, thanks for reading :)