45. That's how many days until I embark on my 4th mission trip to Haiti. Yes... This is my third blog about Haiti. There will probably be many more too. After my last trip to Haiti, the Lord really opened my eyes to what it means to be a true follower. He taught me how to trust him with things I didn't think I could surrender. He taught me how all I had to do was whisper his name and he would move mountains.
45 days until the Haitian dirt is between my toes. 45 days until I get to tell little children that I like to eat them (all in good fun of course). 45 days until I am back with my friends laughing and singing songs about Jesus. I... cannot...wait. This is the most excited I have ever been for a trip and I am glad I have people on my team to share it with. My last trip in June was one that months leading up to I wasn't excited at all. I really felt that I needed to go to Haiti but there was a part of me that didn't want to. I didn't want to sacrifice time out of my already hectic summer. As the day approached for me to leave, I was becoming increasingly excited but still felt like I wanted to stay at home in my sweatpants and sleep for days. I knew that I was going to be uncomfortable. Since it was my third trip, I wasn't surprised by the lack of comfort I was going to have. I didn't want to go because I KNEW I was going to be uncomfortable and I was being too "prissy," if you will, to surrender that.
This 4th trip brings up totally different feelings because of the result of the previous one. At the end of my third trip I simply didn't want to come home. I was angry that I had to leave the place I loved so much. The moment I stepped on the U.S.A. territory, I plugged in my Lecrae (what I do when I get mad) and walked around the Miami airport alone. I needed time to process this incredible week that I just experienced but I couldn't. I didn't want to talk about Haiti with anyone except for those who were there with me. There were no words, and there still aren't, to describe the love, peace, joy, laughter, anger, and brokenness that you can only experience in Haiti.
Because of my trip in June, I am more excited than ever to go back in 45 days. However, Satan has been feeding me some pretty nasty lies. Telling me I am not good enough. I am not mature enough. I am not capable of what I am about to do. Friends, on October 10, I will be experiencing another side to Haiti that I have never seen before. I will be seeing girls in brothels who don't have a choice. Girls that want better for themselves and their family but have no way out. A hopelessness. My heart is already broken for these women I am going to meet. As scared as I am to see that hurt and shame, I know that the Lord has prepared me for this moment. God has created me with the desire to share the depths of his love. I am not afraid because I think I am alone in this. I am afraid because I think I will mess up.
Thinking about it, it's such a silly thought. If God knows what's going to happen, can I really "mess up?" We have free-will and we make mistakes, but I fully believe that everything happens for a reason. Everything we do, whether positive or negative, impacts us. If we lived perfect lives we wouldn't grow as human beings. We would be the same and unchanging (characteristics of God not humans). I know that the Lord has me going on this trip for a reason. Yeah, Satan is feeding me lies. But I know they are lies. It's a matter of whether or not I choose to believe them. I can find comfort in knowing that there is a plan mapped out for me. I am excited to experience God in ways that I only can in Haiti. I am excited for the relationships that I will form. I am also excited to be surrounded by a powerhouse of women to help guide me through.
Is Satan feeding you lies? Are you being told that you aren't capable? You aren't good enough? You can't really believe in God because you keep sinning in one area? Those are all LIES. We can be sufficient in Christ because we are fully known and fully loved. God knows our weaknesses. He allows us to have them so that we can rely on him for strength. Don't run away because of the fears that consume your every thought. Pursue the God that is bigger than all of your fears.
No comments:
Post a Comment