45. That's how many days until I embark on my 4th mission trip to Haiti. Yes... This is my third blog about Haiti. There will probably be many more too. After my last trip to Haiti, the Lord really opened my eyes to what it means to be a true follower. He taught me how to trust him with things I didn't think I could surrender. He taught me how all I had to do was whisper his name and he would move mountains.
45 days until the Haitian dirt is between my toes. 45 days until I get to tell little children that I like to eat them (all in good fun of course). 45 days until I am back with my friends laughing and singing songs about Jesus. I... cannot...wait. This is the most excited I have ever been for a trip and I am glad I have people on my team to share it with. My last trip in June was one that months leading up to I wasn't excited at all. I really felt that I needed to go to Haiti but there was a part of me that didn't want to. I didn't want to sacrifice time out of my already hectic summer. As the day approached for me to leave, I was becoming increasingly excited but still felt like I wanted to stay at home in my sweatpants and sleep for days. I knew that I was going to be uncomfortable. Since it was my third trip, I wasn't surprised by the lack of comfort I was going to have. I didn't want to go because I KNEW I was going to be uncomfortable and I was being too "prissy," if you will, to surrender that.
This 4th trip brings up totally different feelings because of the result of the previous one. At the end of my third trip I simply didn't want to come home. I was angry that I had to leave the place I loved so much. The moment I stepped on the U.S.A. territory, I plugged in my Lecrae (what I do when I get mad) and walked around the Miami airport alone. I needed time to process this incredible week that I just experienced but I couldn't. I didn't want to talk about Haiti with anyone except for those who were there with me. There were no words, and there still aren't, to describe the love, peace, joy, laughter, anger, and brokenness that you can only experience in Haiti.
Because of my trip in June, I am more excited than ever to go back in 45 days. However, Satan has been feeding me some pretty nasty lies. Telling me I am not good enough. I am not mature enough. I am not capable of what I am about to do. Friends, on October 10, I will be experiencing another side to Haiti that I have never seen before. I will be seeing girls in brothels who don't have a choice. Girls that want better for themselves and their family but have no way out. A hopelessness. My heart is already broken for these women I am going to meet. As scared as I am to see that hurt and shame, I know that the Lord has prepared me for this moment. God has created me with the desire to share the depths of his love. I am not afraid because I think I am alone in this. I am afraid because I think I will mess up.
Thinking about it, it's such a silly thought. If God knows what's going to happen, can I really "mess up?" We have free-will and we make mistakes, but I fully believe that everything happens for a reason. Everything we do, whether positive or negative, impacts us. If we lived perfect lives we wouldn't grow as human beings. We would be the same and unchanging (characteristics of God not humans). I know that the Lord has me going on this trip for a reason. Yeah, Satan is feeding me lies. But I know they are lies. It's a matter of whether or not I choose to believe them. I can find comfort in knowing that there is a plan mapped out for me. I am excited to experience God in ways that I only can in Haiti. I am excited for the relationships that I will form. I am also excited to be surrounded by a powerhouse of women to help guide me through.
Is Satan feeding you lies? Are you being told that you aren't capable? You aren't good enough? You can't really believe in God because you keep sinning in one area? Those are all LIES. We can be sufficient in Christ because we are fully known and fully loved. God knows our weaknesses. He allows us to have them so that we can rely on him for strength. Don't run away because of the fears that consume your every thought. Pursue the God that is bigger than all of your fears.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Monday, August 3, 2015
Obedient to His Purpose
Hi friends,
I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. Obedience. Let me tell you... It's hard! It's difficult to be obedient to anyone! If you're stubborn like me, there is really no incentive that can make you follow someone else's orders. I want to do it MY way. I don't care if your directions are going to get me there faster. I will take the long way...through the forest...through the ocean... and back around again before I listen to YOUR plan. That's how stubborn I am.
However, God calls us to be obedient. Not just obedient, but faithful in His plan. He promises us that he will NEVER forsake us. For example, let's look at Matthew 14 when Jesus walks on water. Peter asks Jesus to call him out of the boat and Jesus simply says "come." Peter leaps out of the boat, but as soon as he turns his eyes away, he starts sinking. Jesus says, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Not only did Jesus command Peter to walk on the water, but he asked Peter to have faith in him. What's the point of being obedient if you don't have faith in God's plan?
Over the past few weeks, God has led me to do some pretty hard things. Through these hard things, I have had a peace like I have never known before because I have faith that God's plan is better than my own. I came across a journal I wrote on October 7th, 2014 that said, "The thought keeps coming to my mind 'when are you going to stop running from me?' Lord, I am going to stop running. Show me your wisdom. I desire to know your plan for me. I am done running." Although I may not have completed what was asked of me in the moment, I took time to listen to a hard decision the Lord was placing on my heart.
When struggling with obedience, I often times try and tell myself that the hard things are really Satan's way of attacking me and not actually God's plan. The second I start to experience fear, doubt, or uncertainty, I tell myself that it was never God's plan in the first place. However, what I am just now realizing is that it could be God's plan but I am too stubborn and scared to recognize it. I don't want to do hard things. But unfortunately, it's not up to me. And let me tell you... I am SO glad it's not. Even though I have to constantly push myself out of my comfort zone, I can find peace and rest in knowing that I have a sovereign God that LOVES me so much he wills the good for me. He wants me to live a life in complete trust and belief that His plan is superior to my own. I may never see the good in the hard things, but I know that there is always a reason and purpose.
Friends, if you are struggling with surrendering a certain part of your life to God, pray about it. It may take days, months, years, but continue to pray without ceasing. Living in obedience gives you freedom in new ways. Be thankful that there is a Holy God that already knows your whole life and even has it mapped out for you. He doesn't want you to fail. If you trust in him, he will make your paths straight. That doesn't mean you won't experience pain or suffering. Living in full faith and full obedience will open up the doors to a complete trust in the Lord that you have never experienced before. Don't just tip toe into trusting God. Jump in the deep end. Don't know how to swim? Luckily there is a God who is the ultimate saver.
I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. Obedience. Let me tell you... It's hard! It's difficult to be obedient to anyone! If you're stubborn like me, there is really no incentive that can make you follow someone else's orders. I want to do it MY way. I don't care if your directions are going to get me there faster. I will take the long way...through the forest...through the ocean... and back around again before I listen to YOUR plan. That's how stubborn I am.
However, God calls us to be obedient. Not just obedient, but faithful in His plan. He promises us that he will NEVER forsake us. For example, let's look at Matthew 14 when Jesus walks on water. Peter asks Jesus to call him out of the boat and Jesus simply says "come." Peter leaps out of the boat, but as soon as he turns his eyes away, he starts sinking. Jesus says, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Not only did Jesus command Peter to walk on the water, but he asked Peter to have faith in him. What's the point of being obedient if you don't have faith in God's plan?
Over the past few weeks, God has led me to do some pretty hard things. Through these hard things, I have had a peace like I have never known before because I have faith that God's plan is better than my own. I came across a journal I wrote on October 7th, 2014 that said, "The thought keeps coming to my mind 'when are you going to stop running from me?' Lord, I am going to stop running. Show me your wisdom. I desire to know your plan for me. I am done running." Although I may not have completed what was asked of me in the moment, I took time to listen to a hard decision the Lord was placing on my heart.
When struggling with obedience, I often times try and tell myself that the hard things are really Satan's way of attacking me and not actually God's plan. The second I start to experience fear, doubt, or uncertainty, I tell myself that it was never God's plan in the first place. However, what I am just now realizing is that it could be God's plan but I am too stubborn and scared to recognize it. I don't want to do hard things. But unfortunately, it's not up to me. And let me tell you... I am SO glad it's not. Even though I have to constantly push myself out of my comfort zone, I can find peace and rest in knowing that I have a sovereign God that LOVES me so much he wills the good for me. He wants me to live a life in complete trust and belief that His plan is superior to my own. I may never see the good in the hard things, but I know that there is always a reason and purpose.
Friends, if you are struggling with surrendering a certain part of your life to God, pray about it. It may take days, months, years, but continue to pray without ceasing. Living in obedience gives you freedom in new ways. Be thankful that there is a Holy God that already knows your whole life and even has it mapped out for you. He doesn't want you to fail. If you trust in him, he will make your paths straight. That doesn't mean you won't experience pain or suffering. Living in full faith and full obedience will open up the doors to a complete trust in the Lord that you have never experienced before. Don't just tip toe into trusting God. Jump in the deep end. Don't know how to swim? Luckily there is a God who is the ultimate saver.
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