Over the past couple of months, I have had three people call me out on one of my biggest downfalls... PRIDE. I always knew this was a struggle of mine but, just like all prideful people, I was afraid to admit it. Any person who struggles with pride can tell you 3 things they think about themselves. 1)They are always right. 2)Their way is better than yours. 3)They are good at everything.
Now of course these things aren't true, and it's silly to think you are good at everything AND right 100% of the time. You can only choose one :) As much as I wish that were true for me, it's simply not. As for why I hate humility? I am not good at it. No prideful person wants to admit that they can not do something well, and that's why I do not like humility. Why can't it be easier? Why couldn't I have just been blessed with that trait? I think it has something to do with God's plan for us....
When you accept Christ as your Savior, you are called to deny yourself. Luke 9:23 says, "And He said to them all, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." Jesus tells us that if we choose to follow him, we must deny ourselves. Not just one time, but ALL the time. Jesus represents the perfect picture of humility. After all, He did come to Earth to die for each and every one of us. Nothing says humility like submitting to God's plan for your life. You are automatically handing over control and letting God know that your plans do not compare to the plans He has for you.
I believe we all struggle with different things, which is why Luke 9 applies to everyone no matter what your struggle is. Jesus asks us to deny ourselves and our selfish desires so that we can take up our cross. I personally struggle with the desire to control. I want my ducks in a row, I want you to do what I want, and I usually think I know best. Last week, my world rocked as I laid (I know, it's disgusting) on the bathroom floor in my dorm. With my roommate Ceci waiting outside of the door making sure I was okay, I just said "well this is humility right here." I was not even in control of my own body. I tried to be in control by making comments like "I am going to go throw up in 5 minutes." But every time I said things to that extreme, God would prove me wrong and have me laying on the ground for 10-15 minutes at a time.
Let me just throw this in there... Ceci wins friend-mom of the year. You all have those friends that are like your mom. I'm one of those (because I try to control everyone) but Ceci is genuine, has the biggest heart of anyone I know, and will help you whenever you need her. She was up at 2 in the morning with me making sure I was okay. This is the 3rd time (that I know of) that Ceci has helped someone in need this semester with sickness. A girl on our floor threw up in the shower while Ceci was taking a shower a few stalls over, and Ceci runs in the shower and wraps the girl up in a towel and helps her while she is throwing up. Who else would do that? I would probably run the other direction. She also left class early to escort a friend back to our dorm who was shaking and couldn't make it back herself. Ceci rocks.
My night of sickness was another example of God showing me humility. He constantly reminds me I am not in control and that denying myself is the best way to follow him. God created this universe and everything in it. Why should we get a say in what we think is best for us? Trying to control our lives to the very last detail is not going to bring us closer to God, but rather pull us away from Him. Recognizing that God is in control is the first step to becoming more humble. As I continue to be reminded of my pride, I am also reminded that God is in control of every detail of my life. Once you give your life to Christ, it is not about your wants, but what God wants for you. What a relief it is to me to be aware that I am not in control. It relieves me of my anxiety and desire to plan every last detail of my life. While I admit it is a daily struggle to hand my control issues over to God, I pray that I am constantly reminded of His perfect plan and His promise that He will work all things together for my good because He loves me.
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