Humility, and Why I Hate It

Over the past couple of months, I have had three people call me out on one of my biggest downfalls... PRIDE. I always knew this was a struggle of mine but, just like all prideful people, I was afraid to admit it. Any person who struggles with pride can tell you 3 things they think about themselves. 1)They are always right. 2)Their way is better than yours. 3)They are good at everything.

Now of course these things aren't true, and it's silly to think you are good at everything AND right 100% of the time. You can only choose one :) As much as I wish that were true for me, it's simply not. As for why I hate humility? I am not good at it. No prideful person wants to admit that they can not do something well, and that's why I do not like humility. Why can't it be easier? Why couldn't I have just been blessed with that trait? I think it has something to do with God's plan for us....

When you accept Christ as your Savior, you are called to deny yourself. Luke 9:23 says, "And He said to them all, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." Jesus tells us that if we choose to follow him, we must deny ourselves. Not just one time, but ALL the time. Jesus represents the perfect picture of humility. After all, He did come to Earth to die for each and every one of us. Nothing says humility like submitting to God's plan for your life. You are automatically handing over control and letting God know that your plans do not compare to the plans He has for you.

I believe we all struggle with different things, which is why Luke 9 applies to everyone no matter what your struggle is. Jesus asks us to deny ourselves and our selfish desires so that we can take up our cross. I personally struggle with the desire to control. I want my ducks in a row, I want you to do what I want, and I usually think I know best. Last week, my world rocked as I laid (I know, it's disgusting) on the bathroom floor in my dorm. With my roommate Ceci waiting outside of the door making sure I was okay, I just said "well this is humility right here." I was not even in control of my own body. I tried to be in control by making comments like "I am going to go throw up in 5 minutes." But every time I said things to that extreme, God would prove me wrong and have me laying on the ground for 10-15 minutes at a time.

Let me just throw this in there... Ceci wins friend-mom of the year. You all have those friends that are like your mom. I'm one of those (because I try to control everyone) but Ceci is genuine, has the biggest heart of anyone I know, and will help you whenever you need her. She was up at 2 in the morning with me making sure I was okay. This is the 3rd time (that I know of) that Ceci has helped someone in need this semester with sickness. A girl on our floor threw up in the shower while Ceci was taking a shower a few stalls over, and Ceci runs in the shower and wraps the girl up in a towel and helps her while she is throwing up. Who else would do that? I would probably run the other direction. She also left class early to escort a friend back to our dorm who was shaking and couldn't make it back herself. Ceci rocks.

My night of sickness was another example of God showing me humility. He constantly reminds me I am not in control and that denying myself is the best way to follow him. God created this universe and everything in it. Why should we get a say in what we think is best for us? Trying to control our lives to the very last detail is not going to bring us closer to God, but rather pull us away from Him. Recognizing that God is in control is the first step to becoming more humble. As I continue to be reminded of my pride, I am also reminded that God is in control of every detail of my life. Once you give your life to Christ, it is not about your wants, but what God wants for you. What a relief it is to me to be aware that I am not in control. It relieves me of my anxiety and desire to plan every last detail of my life. While I admit it is a daily struggle to hand my control issues over to God, I pray that I am constantly reminded of His perfect plan and His promise that He will work all things together for my good because He loves me.

The Reason For Friendship

There's this girl Allie. We met this year, but from our conversations you would have guessed we have been friends for years. There is a long story to how we became friends, but I am going to try and to my best to tell it in a short and concise way.

My senior year of high school, I decided to go to Charlotte Christian. My brother was on the football team, so I thought it made sense to go to the same school with him since I was previously doing online school and needed a change. The football team has a "blue and black" (or white and gold ;)) game before the school year where the team comes together and practices in front of the families. I felt a little bit awkward about going because I didn't know anyone. It just so happened that I met this girl Laura, who had already graduated from Charlotte Christian and had a brother on the team as well. Laura and Allie were roommates at Clemson during their first year, and I can remember Laura telling me how awesome Allie was and that I needed to meet her.

Fast forward to my first semester of college, I was in a World Religions class with this girl Terry. Terry, myself, and our friend Claire, would occasionally grab coffee together after our 9am class and talk about life and Jesus. I was talking about Ryan and the struggles with long distance, and Terry mentions that she has a friend that has a boyfriend that goes to Clemson, the same school that Ryan goes to. When she told me that, I got really excited because that meant there was someone out there that was in the exact same situation as me. How ironic is it to know a person that has a boyfriend who goes to Clemson as well?

I told Terry that I would love to get this girls number so that we can maybe grab coffee. As Terry pulls up the contact, I notice the name is Allie, who happens to be the same girl that Laura was telling me about months before. Laura, a girl I wouldn't have met unless I went to Charlotte Christian, and Terry, a girl I wouldn't have met unless coming to APP, both introduced me to Allie and I am so thankful for that.

The irony continues with the fact that Allie and I have both attended the same church in Charlotte, know the same people, and are pretty much the same person. From the first time I met Allie, I knew that we were meant to be friends. It was very clear that God had orchestrated us to be a part of each others lives. If you knew me Sophomore year of high school, you would know that I wanted to go to Baylor more than anything. A last minute decision brought me to APP and I am so grateful that God lead me here.

Allie is someone that gets me, my heart, and my struggles. Through our long conversations, I begin to learn more about myself (it's probably because she's majoring in psychology and can get these things out of me), and more about God. We have realized how similar we are to each others boyfriends. When she brings up something about Matt (her boyfriend) it sounds like something I would do. This applies both ways. Allie has been my go to person to talk about long distance problems because she truly gets it. It's cool to sit back and think "Well I didn't know why God was doing this in my life at the time, but now I get it." If Allie and I weren't both in long distance relationships, at APP, or wanting the same things out of life, we wouldn't relate as well as we do now. Not to mention that we both sing so there's another thing we have in common.

Seeing God's work through this friendship reminds me why God created friendship in the first place. He desires for us to have community and accountability. He doesn't want us to walk through our life on Earth with no relationships. He purposefully created these beautiful friendships as opportunities to know more about Him. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 states "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Cherish your friendships and don't take them for granted! God has placed them in your life for a reason. Friendships are made for accountability, community, love, and a building of faith. I am so thankful for Allie, and also for the others that have spent time pouring into my life and lifting me up in Faith. Don't doubt the reason you are friends, but thank God that He has introduced you to each and every person in your life.